Let's Stay Together
by Joyce
Summary: Tatsuha finally gets to meet his idol but he just can't get enough...Warning: Moderate Yaoi Spoilers: Manga(#3) and OVA (COMPLETED!)
1. Chapter One

I'm pretty sure it's horribly choppy and below my usual writing standards…and my standards aren't that high to start with.  Eh…what can I wrote most of it between 3-8 in the morning.  It's probably bad but I didn't edit it.  I'll do that some other time.  I'm too lazy/sick to do it now.  I ran out of ideas halfway through so the last half is probably worse than the first since I sort of shoved it out by force.  Ah well…not everyone can be a good writer so I'll settle for being a bad one.  It's probably OOC but it felt right when I was writing it.  I found Tatsuha pretty obsessive so I wrote him that way perhaps a bit too exaggerated but you know what, at this point I don't care!  Yay!  Now read this damn thing.  Oh yeah warnings and disclaimers…I don't own the characters I just borrowed them to torture and as for warnings there's shounen-ai that's all I think…am I even really thinking…

Let's Stay Together 1/3 

By: Joyce

Hi I'm Tatsuha Uesugi.  I'm a 16 year-old monk by day and fighter of EVIL FORCES of the world by night!  At least I would be if I knew where the EVIL FORCES were…the only evil force I know of is Mika and fighting her would just be a loosing battle.  When I'm not focusing on my duties as a monk or fighting EVIL FORCES of the world I am Ryuichi Sakuma's number one fan…which is pretty much 24/7.  I do my work as a monk but it's not as if I actually care what the heck I'm doing and I avoid fighting Mika…it's a stupid thing to do I don't suggest anyone try… it hurts!  And even when I am doing those two things deep down I am still completely focused on MY Ryuichi!  In other words half of this was BS to put it simply I am a monk that hates his job, has an evil sister, is incredibly hot, smart, sexy, and worships the ground that Ryuichi Sakuma walks on…well anyways I would if I could but that'd mean I'd have to trail around after him.  I want to do it but I never got the chance.

And I know a million girls must have this question in their minds at this moment: Is this incredible guy available?!  Well…I have about 15 (plus) girlfriends but I always welcome more!  But sorry I have only one true love…Ryuichi!  We've never actually met yet, but just you wait, one day we'll meet.  We are destined to be together!  It's like a fairytale and we're gonna get married and have lotsa kids!  Ick…well maybe not quite but we're still a perfect match.  Why…?  Shut up!  We just are it's beyond the comprehension of you lowly people…anyways I am patiently waiting till that day we finally meet my beloved!

Ah!  That Nittle Grasper CD I got changed my life!  It was love at first sight!  Well actually I heard his voice first…but my god he is too perfect!  His voice, his looks…who the hell cares if he's twice my age!  You have to see him to believe him!  He is sooooo incredibly cute!  His hair, his eyes, his face shape, his gorgeous body…AHHHHH!!!!  He's sooooo yummy!  I want to eat him all up!  And even if you hear him you won't believe him.  He is too talented!  His voice is beautiful…perfect like the rest of him.  His voice is so amazing when you hear it you have to freeze to admire it!  It's absolutely mesmerizing.  And the way he looks when he's singing is incredible.  I think that's what caught my attention the most, sure his voice was amazing and he had to be the most adorable being in the face of this earth but I was truly and completely hooked to him when I first saw him perform.  I only saw him on TV but that was enough.  It was like an addiction.

He goes from being absolutely huggable to the most hypnotizing figure in the world.  He becomes so intense, like he is completely immersed in his music and he drags you in with him.  I just froze staring at him and I swear I wanted to jump into the TV.  You can tell how much he loves music; he is so passionate when he sings.  His passion is infectious, it makes you forget everything and for that moment all that matters is that song.  At least that's how I felt.

How can anybody not love him!  It's not that he's an easy person to love it's that he's a person impossible to not love!  Mind you he belongs to ME!  But still anyone who doesn't adore Ryuichi Sakuma belongs in a mental hospital.  There has to be something wrong with you!  He has to be god's ultimate gift to music lovers, bisexual people, and gay men (…and straight females…)!     

I adore Ryuichi Sakuma…which is why I'm going to Tokyo…  Once I get there I'm going to break down my brother's door and harass Shuichi Shindou.  I can't believe that little idiot sang with him at the concert!  How could he!?  He sang with MY _beloved_ Ryuichi Sakuma at his debut concert yet he neglected to invite ME!  Why if I belonged to the EVIL FORCES of the world I would go and cast a spell on him so that on his 16th birthday he would prick his finger on a spindle and DIE…but then he's over 16 already.  _And_ I am NOT part of the EVIL FORCES of the world…but if I was, Shuichi would've been dead for 3 years by now!  

~ ~ ~

Ha!  This mere wooden door is nothing that can stop me from my goal!  

…damn that was _too_ easy aniki should really get a new lock…BACK to my goal!  Though I'm not going to curse Shuichi (since I'm not part of the EVIL FORCES of the world) I'm certainly not going to let his crime go unpunished!  

"Shuichi!!! Is Shuichi here??? I heard from Ayaka that you were singing with Ryuichi, MY RYUICHI in the concert! You damn kid!!! Why didn't you tell me to go? I can't stand this anymore, if you don't take me to Ryuichi, I'm going to sexually assault you!!!"  You don't believe me!  I would!  And I'd enjoy it too!  

"Where the hell is Tatsuha??? That kid left his work behind and just left!!!"  Oh no she's here!  The most powerful of the members of the EVIL FORCES of the world!  The queen bitch (my sister)!!!!!!!  NO!  Not even she can defeat me I must persevere and meet my beloved!  Ryuichi wait for me I'll come for you once I escape this horrid witch's evil clutches!  No one shall come between us!

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE, ALL OF YOU!!!!"  Aniki's voice seems to get louder every time he screams at me…ah those fond days when my eardrums suffered so much less are gone!  Where is the justice!  I miss my chance to finally meet my darling, the evil witch has captured me, and my ears ring…life's not fair!  Why must I suffer so?

"I'm sooo angry!!! How can Eiri treat his big sister this way?  Why are these two kids here? I didn't meet Noriko for a long time. We're thinking of having a party, but now my good mood is ruined!!!"  See she's as annoying as hell.  I'm still in pain and I can still hear aniki's voice ringing in my head.  But through all my trouble it has finally paid off, today is the day!  My beloved and I shall be reunited…err…united actually whatever.  All that matters is I'll get to finally meet the man I've been crazy about for the past 4 years!  The one who's hypnotized me.  The one who's captivated me.  The one who mesmerizes everyone that hears his enchanting voice.  The one that will love me!  I just have to make him realize that after we meet.  
  


"If you wanna see Ryuichi that much, you could ask me. I'll ask Tohma to arrange for you guys to meet."

"Yeah right, I've already asked you 800 times."  
  


No exaggeration.  I have a notebook that I tally up the number of times I have reduced to begging for my beloved and all of them were because of her!  If I had known that I would meet him today I would've asked her fewer times and saved myself some more dignity.

 "Good evening everyone!!!"

"Welcome! Now the members of Nittle Grasper are all here."

I think Tohma said something…oops I didn't hear.  It's not as if it was something important.  Nothing is important at this moment, nothing other that me and my dearest.  I can't believe it's finally happening!  I finally here at that one moment in time when my ideal man and I meet!  It's like a dream come true!  Actually it is.  I hope the rest of my dream comes true too…

"Hello Mr. Sakuma. I'm a diehard fan of yours."  He looks so young, so cute!  I really hope the rest of my dream comes true! 

"Oh, Shuichi, did you have a face surgery? It's very successful!"  He's blushing!  Ah that's too cute!  He looks just like the way he did in all my dreams!  He's too adorable when he blushes.  I just want to pick him up and hug him and love him and drag him off somewhere to ravage him!  Okay maybe not the best choice of words…and drag him off somewhere to have my way with him!  There!

"Oh, so, Ryuichi, are you going back to Los Angeles soon?"

"Yeah, I think that place suits me more. I only came back here at Noriko's request."

  I wonder if he would come back or better yet go to Kyoto at my request…I don't want him to go just yet!  I haven't had nearly enough of him!

"Before you go back, you have to come to my house to play." "Okay!" Yet again, I hope my dream comes true.  Actually I hope all my Ryuichi Sakuma dreams come true but that would take a really long time, a _really_ long time.  
  


"Los Angeles is a nice city for you to live in right? Mr. Sakuma?"  Wah!  I'm talking to him!  No one can possibly understand how I feel at this moment.  It doesn't even really matter what we're talking about.  What matters is his warm presence so close and the pleasant hum of his voice.  Nothing else needs to exist just him that's all I need to live.  Not even food, not even water, Ryuichi Sakuma is the necessity everything else can be abandoned and forgotten.

"What's wrong Tatsuha? Are you not feeling well?"  

"Yes! Mr. Sakuma! I'm not feeling well!"

"Are you alright Tatsuha? You guys stay here! I'll take him somewhere so he can rest! "

"It seems like Tatsuha really likes Ryuichi." Hell yeah!  Tohma finally says something important even though it was quite obvious.  It is important it's what my life is based on, his existence.  This 'liking' is the core of my very existence.  Nothing can replace it.

~ ~ ~   
  


I try to lessen the weight I'm putting on him but it's hard.  Not because I'm sick but because I just want to lean on him.  I want nothing more than to be close to him.  It makes my heart flutter.  He's paying me so much attention even though we barely know each other.  He's so concerned for someone that's barely more than a stranger.  He's so kind and gentle and warm.  So warm.

"Tatsuha it's okay you can put your weight on me!  You're not _that_ heavy."  "Thank you."  "You're welcome!"  His voice is so bright and happy like he's happy to help me.  He seems so pure and perfect how can anyone be like this other than that idiotic Shuichi.  They are very alike not just by appearance but both of them are such impossibly nice people.  They're very different of course but both have enduring personalities.  Just look at Shuichi he actually managed to get that far with my aniki.  Aniki is lucky to have Shuichi by his side and I'm lucky too.  I'm lucky to be able to stay so close to my idol, to my ideal man, to my beloved, to my heart, to my life. I don't care what's going on outside of his arms.  I wish I could stay here forever because I don't think I'll ever get enough of his warmth.

"There sit down!  You should get some rest!  How are you feeling"  "I'm sort of dizzy"  I'm dizzy.  This is making my head spin.  He's so close I can feel the warmth he radiates.  I'm happy he's letting me keep my head on his shoulder he really does believe that I'm actually sick doesn't he?  

"Do you need medicine?"  "No it's alright I don't want to trouble you.  I'll be fine in a moment"  It's true.  You are my medicine.  I can draw everything I need to live from you.   Why would I need anything else in the world when the most important person, being, whatever, is here right beside me?  I don't need anything other than to be near you as long as possible, longer than possible!  I have everything in the world right beside me why would I need anything.  Let alone something as trivial as medication!  You are everything, you may not know it, but you're the centre of the world, who needs anything more when they already have everything.  Everything essential is here whatever exist outside is disposable.  Well at least it is right now.  This doesn't count as the usual it's like another universe one where the only things that exist are you and me.

"Are you feeling any better?"  "Yes." …but my head and arm are both staying exactly where they are…though I wouldn't mind moving my hand somewhere else…but…it's too nice to move.  This is so strange I feel so different around him.  Everything is so still and peaceful but at the same time everything is animated and vibrant it's as if just being near him makes the world look different.  It makes me so aware of everything it's as if I can see more clearly.  Everything is special.  I don't want to loose this closeness, this new kind of perception; I don't want to leave him.  It's like an addiction and I don't think I can ever quench that thirst, that thirst for him, for Ryuichi Sakuma. 

"Have you met Kumagorou?"  "No…"  The little pink bunny is cute.  It matches him.  Though it seems childish it fits.  "Kumagorou's my friend."  "Can I be Kumagorou's friend too?"  "Sure!"  It's a childish conversation yet it fulfills me more than anything else.  I feel like I've been given a blessing.  I'm honoured and I should be after all I'm now his stuffed toy's friend.  It's so adorable.  

"Tatsuha…"  I can't really make out the words anymore.  It's just like a pleasant hum in my ear like a song, a lullaby.  That makes me happy it feels almost as if Ryuichi is singing me to sleep.  He's warm and I just want to cuddle up and fall asleep.  The rest of the dream doesn't matter so much anymore.  I just want to be near him everything else be damned!  The dream doesn't matter that much anymore because he's here by me.  The dream is an illusion, my imagination, my desire but right now this is reality his warm shoulder, his lively voice.  For once, just this once, I'll let reality overrule imagination.  Just this once…still I hope my dream comes true _someday_… 

~ ~ ~ 

"Tatsuha…"  His sentence trails to a stop as he realizes that his companion had fallen asleep.  He really rather liked the younger man.  He hoped he would feel better later.  Carefully Ryuichi manoeuvred Tatsuha to a more comfortable position, being careful to not rouse the sleeping teen.  He cushioned Tatsuha's head on his lap and smiled softly as he looked upon his sleeping face.  

He looked so peaceful.  His sleeping face was serene and beautiful.  Without hesitating Ryuichi carefully brushed a couple or unruly strands of hair out of Tatsuha's face.  He was sweet in his sleep and looked a little closer to his actual age but even still it was hard to tell that he was only 16.  It was an adorable scene.  A child cradling another child in his lap.  It was beautiful and would have made an admirable painting.  Despite the fact that Ryuichi was most definitely not a child according to age he still seemed to retain the air of youth, forever pure and cheerful, and despite his appearance Tatsuha was a child no matter how much he wished to deny.  He was still a child beginning to mature in his mind.  And this scene, with Ryuichi watching over the peacefully sleeping Tatsuha, was priceless.  There was nothing but sweetness in the scene and strong beginnings of true affection in this seemingly eternal scene.

~ ~ ~

_Even though on the surface so little has changed it was as if something deep within himself had been altered.  It was as if he'd lost part of himself but at the same time nothing was missing.  It felt so different from how it had before, the encounter was destined and it would change him it was certain.  It was as if destiny was toying with him but he didn't care he would continue to be destiny's plaything as long as it led him back to him, back to Ryuichi Sakuma._

~ ~ ~ 

How long had it been?  I can't believe I fell asleep that day!  I wasn't even really sick and I fell asleep during my precious moments with my beloved!  I want to strangle myself!  It was so perfect and I **fell asleep**!  How could I have been so stupid!  When will I see him again now!?  I want to see him!  I want to see him so badly.

It's so strange I finally got to meet him.  Don't people usually feel better after they finally get to see their number one idol?  It's not that I don't feel better but I can't get enough of him.  Nothing is enough now.  After I met him nothing can satiate my need anymore.  I have the CDs, all the videos, and countless posters yet I yearn for him not his merchandise.  I just want to talk to him again, to see him again, to be near him again, it doesn't matter!  I just want _him_!  

It's so weird after meeting him nothing seems enough.  It's as if his brilliance has made everything else dim in comparisons.  I miss the closeness we shared I yearn for his warmth.  It's not just the kind of warmth from snuggling up to a blanket but it's something so special, so indefinable, so unattainable.  He was so warm.  It's not that I'm unhappy with my life…well maybe a little but it's just everything would be so much better if I just had one more second with him.  But then after that I'd probably yearn for more.  It's like some greed that can't be satisfied no matter how much you try it just keep growing.  Even if I had an eternity with him I wouldn't have enough.  I'd sell my soul to the devil if just to be with him.

The stupid television set is mumbling noisily why didn't I turn it off?  I pause and take a second to look at what's on.  Tohma's on, he seems to be getting a lot of attention lately I wonder if Ryuichi will be on too.  I'm not really listening just sort of staring at the screen blankly.  I'm not all too interested in what's going on with Tohma or Nittle Grasper not unless it focuses, well glimpses, on my beloved so since they were talking to Tohma why would I care?  Well that is until I saw my brother walk on.  Aniki never changes does he?  He never seems to really care what's happening and what he's doing.  I used to wonder what he lived for.  I still wonder sometimes, he makes life seem almost pointless.  I know he cares about me but he never really seemed to care about himself.  It was as if he saw no purpose.  But whenever I remember how close we were, how close we still are, despite the fact that we rarely see each other, or whenever he looks at Shuichi I see something completely different.  He doesn't like to show people he cares but ever since he met Shuichi he seems so transparent.  It's easy to see he cares for Shuichi.  It's easy to see that Shuichi thinks that aniki still hates him.  I feel bad for Shuichi.  It's not easy to love my brother I of all people should know because I love my brother.  I wonder how Shuichi feels about the lyrics aniki wrote for Nittle Grasper.  Aniki probably didn't realize how much this would hurt Shuichi or did he?  Aniki is a hard man to understand.  Shuichi is probably crying or something right now.  Poor boy it's not easy loving aniki…

For some reason though I'm not that angry for him not telling me.  Well I am a bit but…I'm worried.  About Shuichi and about my brother.  Aniki likes to do things and then not tell anyone his reasons.  I know he likes Shuichi a lot but what he's doing now…I wonder if he realizes how much Shuichi is hurting…I wonder if he does know but is doing it on purpose.  When he does such things it's almost like he's denying himself and Shuichi happiness.  I want to go back to Tokyo to make sure they're still okay.  I…I think that Aniki probably doesn't know how much he's hurting Shuichi…that's the only thing my mind is willing to accept.  I know he loves him…and I think that no matter what Aniki says he's hurting too.  And him not telling me about the lyrics would be the perfect excuse; after all it's expected of me to do something outrageous after what happened last time.

…and I was planning to get back at him for not telling me anyways!  Kill two birds with one stone!  How dare Aniki not inform me of something so important!  Why if I was part of the EVIL FORCES of the world I'd dip an apple in poison and force-feed it to you so that you'll slumber eternally!  But I am not part of the EVIL FORCES of the world I won't do that.  Besides you'll probably get lucky and some prince will come along and kiss you…so that means I'll have to think of something else…besides I can't do that!  I'd be joining the EVIL FORCES of the world if I committed such an atrocity!  But aniki just you wait I will gain revenge for your evil act believe you me you will feel the awesome power of my voodoo doll!

 …though I doubt it'll work.

~ ~ ~

…Yup!  It didn't work.  Aniki's just incredible that way.  But really did he have to be so violent now I have hideous scrapes on my handsome face!!!!

I was right earlier…Shuichi had run away from home…well sort of.  Aniki…is hurting.  This is basically as close to depression as my Aniki has come to show in a long time.  He's fallen completely for Shuichi.  He's distracted, when he's supposed to be working on his next novel all he does is constantly tap the same key over and over again and when he fell asleep on his table…I walked in and I was just going to put a blanket over him, he was talking in his sleep.  It was easy to tell he was talking to Shuichi or at least he was referring to him.  I've never seen him like this.  I almost wanted to turn down the ticket he offered me.  But I wanted to act normal.  I had all day even when he had woken up from his dream I didn't voice my thoughts I teased him and aced silly.  I don't want to…I…I don't know.  I suppose in a way I'm like Aniki sometimes I'm uncomfortable with showing how much I care.  I think he knows I care, but I feel stupid if I voice it.  But I think that Aniki doesn't say these things for different reasons.  Sometimes I feel like the brother that I love so much is a complete stranger.

Shuichi seemed so disappointed when he had walked away.  Doesn't Aniki realize that he's just hurting Shuichi more?  For someone so smart he's either incredibly dense or terribly cruel.  Even dense would be better than cruel.  I feel bad for Shuichi but there's nothing I can do.  

The music starts.  It's cool.  It's on the loud side and seems to suite Nittle Grasper.    The lights start and there he is standing on stage.  The one that had occupied my mind for the longest time before I was drawn into worrying about my stupid brother  I wonder what it would be like to talk to Ryuichi when he was like this, so intense and focused.  He starts to sing and my eyes seem to drift slightly closed at their own will.  He has a beautiful voice.  I'm slightly shocked as I focus on the lyrics a bit.  Aniki…idiot.  I guess I won't have to worry anymore.  My smile widens as Ryuichi calls for Shuichi and he runs on stage.  Lucky bastard.  I'm happy for him and Aniki.  My worries fade and I just lean back and enjoy the show.  It's amazing how similar their voices are.  They match up perfectly, you can barely tell that someone else has taken over the mike.

The lights dim and Nittle Grasper exits the stage.  Shuichi calls up the rest of Bad Luck, it seems like the little idiot prepared something.  The music is on the slow side which is slightly unusual, I find, since most of Bad Luck's songs seem to have slightly loud energetic music.  It's soft and rather soothing.  They play well almost as good as Nittle Grasper.  I can see why they've become popular so quickly.  The lyrics are…good.  It's not something Aniki would expect from Shuichi.  He always insists that Shuichi has no talent but when the stupid kid works at it enough the results are surprising.  Aniki is lucky to have him.  The concerts over as far as I'm concerned the only interests that held me here had finished their act.  I wonder if Ryuichi-san remembers that he promised to come to my house and play.  Maybe if I'm lucky…my dream will come true.

"Sakuma-san you broke your promise…"

To be continued…

That was bad…sorry!  The last like 2/3 were so forced and I'm afraid to read it over myself but I think I'll rewrite it when I have more time.  Not likely to come for a while since school's starting soon.  But despite the fact that it probably sucks I had fun writing this…part two will come eventually.  Later minna!  I've got to go back to my other stories


	2. Chapter Two

More fairytale references ^.^ Shounen-ai and some eer…action (not the Jacky Chan kind).  It sounds a bit weird and different from the last part but I guess that was because the mood here is a little different.  I wrote this in the middle of a 'writer's block' so I think that it probably sucks…but hey at least I'm done!  I'll rewrite it some time hopefully…yeah just like I'm supposed to rewrite GA and TLTD…so…uh whenever I feel like it I'll rewrite it!  Oooo and look I wrote about the insecure side of Tatsuha!  It's somewhere in this pile of crap…and yes I think Tatsuha has an insecure side…everybody does!  Right?

Disclaimers: I don't own anyone in this and even if I wanted to make a profit with this (which I don't) no one would be willing to pay me for this.

Let's Stay Together 2/3 

By: Joyce

"Sakuma-san you broke your promise…"

Once there was a dear little boy, well he wasn't that little but he certainly didn't look is age and was about 5 million time hotter then boys half his age, whom everyone loved, maybe except Aniki who isn't normal anyways so it doesn't count.  His future boyfriend (me!), well the dear not-so-little-but-incredibly-hot-boy didn't know he was his future boyfriend but that is only a matter of time, loved him most of all (and you can't have him anyone who's even considering taking him from me) and didn't know what to give him next, so he decided to give the dear not-so-little-but-incredibly-hot-boy his body. 

"Eh?"

Now I just have to get him to take it…

"Last time you promised that you'd come to my house to play."  

He's blushing.  It's so enduring, I love the way he looks when he blushes, but then I also love the way he looks when he's sleeping, when he's singing, worried, angry, whining, smiling…actually I just love the way he looks, not that I've seen him in all those moments but I know I'd love them.  I have to admit though my favourite is when he's getting naked, so far, like he did in the encore song in one of his videos…though I'm almost absolutely sure I'll like the way he looks when he's naked just as much, if not more.

"Ah I'm sorry I forgot!  I know I can come over now to make up to you!"

"Wah I'm so happy!"

Major understatement.  Let's go play, let's go play, let's go play!  Woohoho we'll have so much fun!  I can't wait till my dream comes true.  He's sooooo sweet I wanna eat him all up.  He's the one person I'm willing to join the EVIL FORCES of the world for…as long as I get to eat him all up I'm fine besides, how's it's evil if I'm merely going to show him how fun it can be to be eaten all up.  And if a hunter even tries to save him I'll force the annoying idiot to wear hot iron slippers and dance till he drops dead as a punishment for interrupting my beloved and I! 

So off we went skipping cheerfully down the same path (no the path was not of pins or needles), actually we didn't really skip but that's just a minor technicality, on our way to the cozy haven of my home…actually it we aren't heading to my home really.  What?  You actually think I'd have the patients to walk all the way back to Kyoto?  Not that I'd mind bringing Ryuichi to Kyoto (hopefully to stay if I ever do) but I'm on a mission here (to jump the hottest singer in the history of the world)!  And since I'm not going home I'm bringing my beloved to the next best place…Aniki's home…after all what are brothers for?  Hopefully Aniki won't be home for a while I'm rather reluctant to change locations...but if I must there's a promising hotel near by…not to mention a deserted park…so many possibilities.  The last one sounds rather yummy…

XXXXX 

I'm careful with the door this time after all I wouldn't want to piss Aniki off when I need him to do a favour for me and since that stupid door is so fragile I'm extra careful.  I'm a cautious person when I need to be…really.   Well anyways…back to my mission!  Project: "Get Laid My Sakuma Ryuichi" is well on its way!  Well…actually it's been on its way for a really long time…I hope that the mission will be able to be completed tonight.  I'm eager to finish this mission and get onto my next project: "Get Laid By My Sakuma Ryuichi 2"…as fun as foreplay is I'm not sure I've even truly gotten to that stage yet…wah my life is so cruel!  But now is my chance!  My chance to make my dreams reality!  Literally.

"Wah!  Kakkoi what is this supposed to be?"

My god he's cute!  It's so enduring the way he acts.  His childish antics are hypnotic to me as his music.  It's so nice to be with him like this.  I've never met someone as nice and innocent as him with perhaps the exception of Shuichi.  It puzzles me how a thirty something man can act like this but every time I look at him such questions are thrown right out the window.  Who cares how old he is?  The way he acts is so purely honest giving an impression of complete innocence.  But when I see the intensity behind his gaze, like when he's singing, I wonder how much I'm underestimating him.  He's not a child and the two of us are barely friends but I'd give anything to get to know him any way possible.  How can I not he's huggable and hot all in one package!  It's adorable how he's turning his head and moving all over the place trying to figure out what that piece of crap, that's supposed to be a painting, is supposed to be.  Personally I think that things rather ugly…

"…hehe I didn't think people actually sold such ugly paintings!"  Wah!  We even have the same taste in art!  We're like a married couple!  Soon we'll start finishing each other's sentences and fondling each other in public…maybe I'll even stick my hand in his back pocket!  I hope so!  He has such a cute ass!  Wah I'm so looking forward to my happily ever after ending!  And maybe we'll live in a nice cozy apartment in LA and have two beautiful children…well I don't like children much but beautiful parents have to have beautiful children just to complete the scene…of course they'll be boys…I really don't want a child version of Mika as my child…not to mention I doubt that the apartment will be small and cozy but basically I don't care much for those petty little details as long as I get to be with my Sakuma Ryuichi!  

"I have no idea why aniki bought that thing…I didn't even think he was into art."

"Oh it's your brother's!  I was surprised I thought it was yours!"

"Nah…I don't know how to appreciate art like this…however I have a great appreciation for fine and beautiful things…"

"Maybe your brother finds this beautiful."

"That which I find beautiful everyone knows how to appreciate.  I want nothing more than to keep him to myself but when I look at it it's a pity for such perfection to be kept away…and no matter how much I wish…he is not mine to own…"

"Eh?  He?"

…oops.  I guess I just have trouble referring to my god as a thing…didn't mean to drop that many clues…honest.  And now I've done it!  He's now staring at me with those adorable eyes of his giving me the silent message 'Nani?  I don't understand please give an honest explanation.'  His eyes can talk!  I'm in love with a fricking genius!  His eyes are sooooo pretty and shinny and bubbly and sparkly and cute!  Insert multitude of floating pink hearts…  Wah I wanna confess to him how much I lurve him…then proceed to ravish him on the hard wood floor…well gently…I wouldn't want to hurt him.  That's the last thing I'd want in the world…never do I want to hurt him…  

"Ah never mind!"

"Whoever he is he must be really beautiful ne…I bet he's really lucky to be with you!"

For a second he almost sounds sad.  Not the sharp whine that I'm accustomed to from Shuichi, which I assume, sounds much like Ryuichi.  It was as if it hurt him to say it but by the end of that his expected enthusiasm was back at full force.  I wonder how you'd react if you knew I was talking about you…  Would you feel lucky?

"…I think it's more like me lucky to able to be so near him.  I wonder how much more time I'll have with him…holding onto the moments…it's as if clinging desperately to the crescent moon…"

"…"

"Well!  Sakuma-san what do you want to do?  You're the guest after all!"

"I should ask you Tatsuha!  Shouldn't you know better what there is we can do?  Besides I wanna make it up to you for not coming sooner."

"Ah your company alone is enough to make it up to me!  But you should be careful next time you make promises!  It's not good to betray a child's trust!  It'll scar them for life."

"Hahaha!"

Then again…maybe I like it best when he's laughing…it's a beautiful sound.

"I'd hardly consider you a child Tatsuha!"

I hope not…otherwise there would be things that we won't be able to do…unless he's a pedophile…I don't think I'll dwell too much on that thought.

XXXXX 

"Yay!  I won!"  Aw he's so adorable!  Eh…of course the project is on the way!  So what if I'm playing Cooking Fighter  with him!  Any day any time my life is completely devoted to my Sakuma Ryuichi projects!  And believe me I will succeed!  It's just…how the heck is one supposed to go about seducing the most amazing man on the face of the Earth?  And…I want to be his friend…if he doesn't…if I drive him away accidentally…what if I never get to be with him ever again.  I don't want to loose this friendship, however shallow it is, lately…after Aniki came back from America this is the first time I've been so happy.  If I loose what little I have right now what if I never achieve it again?  Who am I to believe that this god would want me?  For some reason my confidence likes to run out on me whenever I'm close.  It's like I've been waiting forever to meet him and then I finally did.  I touched him, I talked to him, and now I'm afraid to ask for more…I never did think I'd ever get to meet him.  Sometimes I really hate myself…but I can't help but hesitate.

"Ne…Tatsuha let's do something else my hand hurts."

"Sure!  What do you want to do next?"

"Um…how about we watch a video!"

"Okay!"

"Tatsuha…are you okay?"

"Yeah!"

"Are you sure?  Are you sick again?  Maybe you should rest."

I'm touched by his concern.  Is he this nice to everyone?  Probably.  Ryuichi is just naturally a nice person.  Numbly I shove whatever tape I can grab into the VCR.  I don't really care what we watch.  I probably won't see him again after this for a while.  He's a busy person and even if he had time why would he go out of his way to spend his little bit of free time with a kid half his age that he barely knows.  Maybe I was a fool to ever want so much but isn't it human to dream?  Can I help it if I'm a fool?  I just wish that I wasn't such a moody fool.  One moment I'm confident, hyper, and ecstatic the next I'm doubtful, realistic, and depressive.  The least that I could ask for is to have a stable line of thought.  It was annoying.

The video starts to play and I realize just then that I had put in the Ryuichi concert…meaning the one that he got naked in the encore.  My favourite one.  

"Hey that's me!  I didn't know you had my video."

"Of course I do!  I have every single one of them!"

"Really."  He's blushing and scratching the back of his neck in that same enduring manner he does everything.  I don't really understand why it'd surprise him.  Surely he knows how many fans he has and it's not really strange for me to collect his concert videos.  He seems almost embarrassed.  Why must he always look so cute?  It makes me wish I would just jump him.  

"Is your hand okay?"

"Yeah."

"I think I'll turn up the volume a bit."

Just to stop looking at him.  Well him in person, the images of a sweaty and incredibly hot Sakuma Ryuichi on a cold flat TV screen are tempting but not nearly as tempting as the real life, flesh and bone still incredibly hot Sakuma Ryuichi sitting next to me.  A lot less tempting.  I'm sure everyone can understand that.  It's scary that if I hold out my hand I'd be able to touch him.  I so want to.  If I look at him anymore I probably will and…somehow while it thrills me it also scares the hell out of me.  So in order to stop myself I have to turn away from the one person that I want to stare at forever, it's sort of depressing.  I turn up the volume trying to drown out my thoughts.  For some reason I can't be happy.  For some reason while I should be happy for what I have I can't help but yearn for more.  That's the problem with fools.  You just can't please them.  They don't know how to be grateful.  I wasn't always like this.

"Ne Tatsuha-kun," I'm startled by his voice.  It sounds different.  I've never heard him speak in that tone before.  His voice seems a bit deeper more adult, with a silky smoothness that would sound painful and out of place in anyone else's voice.  That sound…it was almost as if…  "Doesn't _your_ hand hurt from playing?"  Looking at him now…it's like looking at someone that was a stranger but completely familiar at the same time.  His eyes are heavy lidded and burn with an intensity that's almost frightening.  He looks just like he does in the video.  But this is so different.  He's here, in person, directing that intense gaze to me.  To me!  I think I'm gonna melt into a pile of goop!  I feel…so strange…scared, dazed, and excited…most definitely excited.

It is at this very moment that he grabs my wrist.  He jerks me closer to him, not in a painful manner but not exactly gentle either.  I watch in shock as he lifts my hand to his lips and licks the centre of my palm.  Oh dear gods my perfect man just licked my hand!  I think I've died and gone to heaven.  I'm surprised I didn't faint on the spot; I don't ever want to wash that hand!

"…it's…it's my other hand that hurts."  My voice sounds scratchy and rough it's nothing like his smooth voice.  My throat's dry and it almost hurts me to talk.  But he made the move.  He actually made the move.  If I don't say anything after he's made the initiative I think I'd have to jump of a ledge and kill myself.  It'd be fricking stupid of me to not part take in such an incredible situation.  Incredible but surprising situation it is.  I set out to seduce my ideal man only to back out of it afraid of loosing what little bit I had of him then suddenly now…everything is suddenly turned around.  The seducer is being seduced.  I'm shocked to say the least but don't get me wrong I'm enjoying every moment of this. 

He lifts my other hand and licks my palm as he did for the previous one but he doesn't stop there.  He moves outward from the centre, lapping at each finger and taking them into his mouth one at a time.  He drags his tongue down through the centre of my palm again and lingers on my wrist stopping at the place my pulse would, be if it hasn't stopped beating from the shock and pleasure, and places a soft kiss.  He turns his eyes upwards and looks at me with those mesmerizing eyes, amusement dancing merrily in them.  I'm probably very red by now, my face sure feels hot and if I'm guessing correctly, taking into account that I'm not sure my mind is still functioning properly, I'm likely doing an admirable impression of a tomato.  He looks perfectly composed though.  Ryuichi is so different like this.  So intense but also seems even more untouchable than before.  While he seems to burn with a brilliant fire at the same instance he seems much colder and distant than before but in the end he's still the same person.  I know.  Because…I'm his soul mate!  And soul mates can always recognize each other!!!! Ohohohohohohohohohohoho!

…sorry I act strange when I'm nervous I'm really usually not like this at all.  How can I not be nervous though…the most beautiful man on Earth (and don't you dare to even argue that) is right in front of me staring at me.  And I am at the centre of his attention.  How can I not feel nervous?

He's so beautiful; I wonder if it's legal to be so beautiful.  His eyes both sear me and freeze me but never in my life would I ever want to turn away from them.  Everything is frightening and delightful; it gives me a sense of…something.  I feel attracted, to him like the opposite sides of a magnet, and all I can think of right now is how much I want to lean over and kiss him.   Obviously he's a step ahead of me.  It's like he reads my mind or something but all I can do is sit here still while _he_ leans towards _me_.  It feels like an eternity.  He's moving so slowly I can feel this moment drag on far longer than it can possibly be.  I want to move forward and finish his move, to meet his lips and find out what he tastes like…but I can't move.  I can't move and this intensity, this warmth, this moment…in truth I don't mind letting it stretch on forever.  It's painful but at the same time tender.  I still can't believe this is happening.

He's so close now, so close I can feel his warm breathe on me.  His eyes are drooping closed but I can't help but stare at him.  I never thought that I'd ever get to stare at his face this close. I don't want to close my eyes.  I want to see him, I want to watch him forever, I want to hold this picture in my mind forever.  He looks incredible, I mean even more so than usual and this is just for me.  This look he has right now is just meant for me just like this entire night.  No one but me…I am the only audience he has for the rest of the night.

And he kisses me.  He initiated the kiss and he completely dominated it.  It wasn't tender or sweet or any of that other fluffy shoujo manga stuff and well frankly I didn't expect it to be.  The kiss was just like him.  Intense and amazing…and about a couple thousand other adjectives that I'm not going to name.  He wasn't just kissing me…he was eating me.  And I never realized that it would feel this nice to be eaten alive.  

He's amazing.  He looks so perfect right now.  I know people probably think it's weird that my eyes are still open but I can't bear to close them.  He's absolutely perfect right now, I don't mean he's usually not perfect, it's just that right now all I want to do is stare at him…and somehow…it's the only thing I can do.  I feel like if I close my eyes when I open them again it'll be morning and I'll wake up cranky and alone and this is all a dream it's happened so many times.  No matter how real this feel, or how sure I am that this is indeed reality, that feeling doesn't leave me.  It clings to me and refuses to disappear.  I don't mind though, because…I'm so used to it…and I can't help but hold it there like it's part of me.  Maybe I will wake up alone and cranky, who knows.

His eyes open a little, a little slit of colour, his dark lashes obscuring them, and just sort of looks at me.   I swear I can feel his lips twist into something that might be a smile.  And he pulls away.  I want to lean back into him, to restart the kiss, but all I can do right now is sit here and stare at him, unblinking, my god I must look like an idiot.

"You seem so disbelieving."  

"Disbelieving?"

Okay that takes the cake in Tatsuha's hall of stupidity.  I sound like a goddamn parrot!  I don't understand what he means but I could have phrased my question so it would sound like I still had parts of my brain left in my head!  He leans loser to me and speaks right to my ear this time.  I can feel his breath on me, it sends shivers up my spine.  I love the sound of his voice.  It's so smooth and confident and sexy, there's nothing else in the world like Sakuma Ryuichi's voice.

"Like you don't believe this is happening."

"Maybe it's because I don't."

He pulls away from me and stares at me in the same way he described me. Disbelieving.  I don't know why I admitted that to him.  Maybe it's because he's just so hard to resist.  How could anyone lie to him?  Just look at him how could anyone lie to someone like that…that or maybe I wasn't really thinking about what I was saying but I feel stupid for blurting out words without thinking.   At times like this I wish I'm more like aniki or Tohma.  They never say anything they shouldn't it's annoying when your talking to them sometimes but very useful in life.  I'm not usually so careless…it's just that when it comes to Ryuichi I have no self-control.  

"Why not?"  He asks in a controlled voice.  It's so embarrassing!  He's calm and cool while I'm reduced to a sputtering fool.  I wish I could at least make sense when I speak I don't want to just seem like some idiot to him.  I'm afraid to explain why to him.  I don't want him to know how foolish I am and how the heck am I supposed to just tell him that I simply can't believe.  I don't know how to explain myself to him!  Sometimes it's hard even to understand myself.  But I can't refuse him.  He's Sakuma Ryuichi for crying out loud how the heck am I supposed to refuse him!  But I can't put into words exactly why and even if I could I can't tell him!  It's foolish and I don't want him to think less of me.  No matter how much I need to fulfill this request I can't.  My mouth refuses to form the simple words, I simply can't say that, I can't tell him that I feel like I'm inadequate.  It's that simple in the end it comes down to the fact that I don't deserve him.  

"Why can't you believe this?  Don't you see me?  Don't you feel my warmth?  Don't you feel my touch?"  He pauses and smirks now, he makes it look like such a simple act to be so sexy.  He lets the words hang in the air I feel nervous.  I don't know what he's trying to do but all those things I can answer I can but it didn't seem like enough proof.  I can't understand him or anything else right now.  "Couldn't you…can't you taste me?"

"I…"

I never finish that sentence.  Those words sound strange from him…actually I think they'd sound strange coming from anyone that I know.  But they strike some part of me and dares me to respond.  His tongue is tracing the edge of my lips slowly and I can only enjoy the feeling and let my 'I…' hang in the air incomplete.  He leans in for another kiss and this time I let my eyes drift shut.  His tongue trust gently into my mouth and I can.  I can feel how warm he is.  I can feel his hand in my hair and his hand stroking my chest.  I can taste him in my mouth.

His tongue leisurely explores my mouth and I let my tongue tangle with his a bit.  It's a sloppy kiss.  It's kind of like the one before but more tender.  Somehow this kiss means more.  It's sweeter and more intimate.  I can't really describe it.  It's hard to use words to explain it one of those weird things that you can't put into words.  And like all those other weird thing you can't really put into words it's wonderful.  I don't care if I can't put it into words because those words don't matter.  They're not here.  But I am and so's Ryuichi and he's kissing me and for now that's what matters. 

He pulls my shirt up a bit.  Thankfully when we got here I had changed into more comfortable clothing that stupid tux would have been a pain in the ass.  His hand dances lightly on my stomach.  I laugh.  I can't help it.  I'm highly ticklish.  That definitely ended that kiss I practically laughed into his mouth.

"You're laughing now but what about this…" Before I can really do anything my shirt's off but it's not as if I really care.  He replaces his hand with his lips and suddenly instead if laughing my ass off I'm moaning loudly and it feels so good.  He's leaving trails of fire wherever he goes.

"What are you…never mind I know the answer…"

tbc…

Now wasn't that…weird.  I don't _think_ it's complete crap but maybe other people do.  Uh sorry I decided I have to split the end into two parts so the conclusion will come…er eventually!  I used so many versions of Little Red Riding Hood it's not even funny.  Everybody caught the Snow White reference right?  Well sorry about the crappy ending but I felt like stopping it here.  So I hope people will read this and I hope you still want part three cause I'm gonna finish it no matter what!  Bye!


	3. Chapter Three (end)

1 Well this part is nice and shitty…uh I got so confused with my own fairytale references it's hardly funny. I can't find the book I was originally using for the fairytales so I had to go on the Internet to find a suitable version of Little Red Riding Hood for this part…I don't think I did well. I have a writer's block…I'm so not kidding I had so much trouble writing this part. As well I wrote the majority of this thing while listening to 'Welcome to my romance' and well really that part with all the groaning noises in the background does weird things to a person's mind. I really should stop putting that thing on repeat but damn I'm developing an unhealthy obsession for that song…it's so amusing. Well as usually enjoy if you can.  
  
2  
  
3 Let's Stay Together 3/3  
  
By: Joyce  
  
"What are you…never mind I know the answer…"  
  
…and just as he was about to have the pleasure of being eaten, by what had to be the sexiest predator in the world, when a number of armed men rushed in…actually not really. It's just that Aniki is dangerous unarmed, I don't want to be near him when he's armed, although knowing him his fists are more than enough to whack me into orbit, also I'm quite sure Aniki could do just as much damage as a bunch of men armed with axes, that are probably rusted and dull, if not more…  
  
However let's hope that the story does not continue this way…I do not think that it will be pleasant if Aniki tried to rip my head off. At this point I'm so confused I'm not really quite sure who the wolf is anymore but there is no doubt in my mind that Aniki would rip off my head should the story progress like that. I wouldn't mind as long as Aniki doesn't manage and/or want to get Ryuichi as well. The world is so imperfect, if they take Sakuma Ryuichi away the EVIL FORCES of the world may very well be able to take over.  
  
Ryuichi is the light of the world if you take him away the earth will be engulfed in darkness…I'm a monk I should know. Why? …Shut up I just know, it's part of my job description. That's not important right now though…I have to focus on the predicament I'm in right now! I hope that he doesn't kick me out…but then again this is Aniki I'm talking about. I won't be surprised if he does…he's done it before and he'll do it again probably with a sadistic grin on his face as he does it too…  
  
What the heck am I supposed to do in a situation like this? Ever since he walked in he hasn't said a word…and ever since he walked in I haven't moved. I can't really feel my legs anymore. What should I do…let's brainstorm! Hmmm…let's analyse the situation first…I'm lying on my back on my brother's hardwood floor with the world's hottest man straddling me…topless and my brother is currently staring at us with an unreadable expression on his face. Now…what to do? Hmmm…what should I say? 'This isn't what it looks like'…no it is… 'I can explain!'…naw I don't want to explain…besides what's to explain? It's not as if he caught me screwing around with his lover…he caught me screwing around with someone that looks like his lover. Or I could opt for the typical girly shriek but it's not really me, beside I think it's to late to do that…  
  
It's really odd how no one is doing anything. I mean how long have we been frozen staring at each other? It's like we've all decided to make a game of it and we're all stuck in this embarrassing tableau. And we can't move. I can't even utter the simplest of sounds if my life depended on it. And this entire situation fills me with the oddest feelings, neither positive nor negative. I sincerely have no idea what to make of it. I feel like I'm falling but at the same time not falling at all. Like I'm suspended in midair but falling at the same time. It makes no sense whatsoever but that's how I feel. We're frozen like this until someone gives us a signal to move. I could be using all this time to be doing things that are so much more fun…I won't specify what because I'll probably just get censored anyways.  
  
"YUKI!"  
  
Everyone's heads swivel towards the direction of Shuichi's voice and as cheesy as it may sound it's what really happened…our heads swivelled. I kid you not. It seems like that was the cue for us to move.  
  
I always thought that people usually snapped their fingers or something for those tableau thingies but no Shuichi has to be original and scream my brother's name. Now my ears have that pleasant hum that always follows…somehow I think the mood has been rather spoiled for the night. Damn. I have nothing against Shuichi but suddenly I have this undeniable urge to DESTROY HIM! My god my dream is about to come true why does everyone like to get in the way!? Having Aniki and his little lover boy walk in on me with my beloved was not part of the scenario. If Shuichi walks in now than I will most definitely not get laid. What did I ever do to him? Why must he spoil the moment?  
  
"YUKI!!!!!"  
  
As light as Shuichi is I can hear him trampling towards us. That boy has more patience than I give him credit for. He actually screams twice before he starts to trample over everything in order to get to Aniki.  
  
"You're going to break my house you moron.'  
  
What?  
  
"Go get changed we're going out."  
  
Again as stupid as this seems: What?  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"Just get changed and wait outside."  
  
"Yuki are you kicking me out?"  
  
"No! Would you just do it you stupid idiot?"  
  
I hear Shuichi walking back to the room to get changed. My Aniki is quite unpredictable if I may say so. I'm hoping but I think what I'm hoping may be too much to hope. But if my long time fantasy can come true than maybe it's not too much to hope that…  
  
"I am going out. When I come back tomorrow I want the place to be spotless or I will have your head Tatsuha."  
  
Did I ever tell anyone that I love my older brother? Well I do. Aniki is just so nice! I could just kiss Aniki right about now. And it wouldn't even be gross, after all it's pretty much like kissing myself, we look pretty much identical and I'm just sooooo hot! Aniki should consider himself lucky to have my looks…and no it should not be the other way around.  
  
I'm staring at Aniki with my beautiful eyes trying to tell him how grateful I am. You know like how they always do in those stupid books, when you can't express how you feel look at them. You know how those super deformed characters look in mangas…you know with huge bubbly and/or sparkly eyes, sparkles and bubbles in the background, and drool coming out of the corner of their mouth just to ruin the picture? That is probably kind of what I look like right now. And you know how they tend to have the other characters either with large sweat drops on their heads or their veins popping and their eyebrows twitching? That's Aniki…the latter. I stop looking.  
  
I don't really know what I'm supposed to do right now, I'd jump right back where we left off but Aniki is kind of still standing there looking at us and I don't really want to put on a show for him. And as if someone had hit the rewind button we're suddenly back at the exact same spot we were at merely moments ago. For the second time tonight we're frozen in our position with nothing to do but to look at each other. If anything this is even more awkward then before. On top of Aniki walking in on us like that I now have the knowledge that my brother is actually going to do me a favour…and I don't know how to react. I expected something way worse and now given this I don't know what to do. If he had kicked us out it would have been easy just like the usual and in a way I think that would've been easier to handle. Truth is I'm very embarrassed. I don't want to owe my brother anything but at the same time I'm grateful. I want to tell him that but my mouth refuses to even mouth those words. It's odd how I'm usually kind of talkative but in this night alone I've managed to loose count of how many times I've been rendered speechless.  
  
I can hear Shuichi thundering towards us again but I'm not worried this time. I don't think I've managed to annoy Aniki in such a short span of time; he probably hasn't changed his mind yet.  
  
"Go wait outside, moron."  
  
"Wah so are you kicking me out?"  
  
"NO! I'll be out in a second just wait outside."  
  
I don't think Aniki is anymore comfortable with this situation than I am. Just as I'm not accustomed to receiving favours he is hardly the essence of generosity. But perhaps it's because of that that it makes the situation a little more surreal and as well makes me feel even more uncomfortable. What have I done to deserve this? When I could not do anything about Aniki's hidden sorrow, not even being able to listen to him, to console him, even to cry with him or whatever it is that he does, what kind of brother am I? And yet through the wedge between us we still manage to care. Aniki isn't cold hearted I know but I still feel that I owe him so much more than this alone, and I'll never be able to do anything about it. It's foolish to question good things that come our way but maybe it's just human nature to do so.  
  
I've been staring at Aniki this whole time but it's just now that his gaze shifts away from me and he is suddenly staring pointedly at Ryuichi. They stare straight into each other's eyes and look at each other. Evidently Ryuichi is much better at it than I am because it seems that Aniki not only understands but also has no murderous flashes across his features at all.  
  
"There's some in the couch."  
  
Ryuichi gives Aniki a curt nod and as if it was his cue Aniki promptly turns and exits his humble home. Through the wooden door I can still hear Shuichi whining and Aniki snapping back at him saying something about a hotel and a park while Shuichi weakly squeals an answer. If that conversation was about what I think it was about Aniki and I are most definitely brothers.  
  
Somehow the awkwardness of the moment refuses to fade. When we had started there had been a kind of flow to our actions and though clumsy everything just went as it should. With the sudden interruptions it seems we have lost that flow of events and suddenly I don't know what to do, where to put my hands, etcetera. Seems we are back to square one…just swell and we worked so hard too.  
  
"Ne, Tatsuha-kun…"  
  
Obviously Ryuichi has different ideas. He doesn't seem to be the least bit deterred by the interruption and falls smoothly back into course. What would I do without him? He gets up and walks to the couch and fishes around a bit like he's looking for something. He finds what he's looking for and with his sexy grin No.709 he shows me and that is all my overactive teenage hormones need. I'm excited and nervous to be honest I've never exactly done this before. Somehow I think someone is out there laughing at that right now but it's true. But…I want this…more than anything I've ever wanted in my entire life. I want to be with him like this. The nervousness doesn't matter because it's nothing compared to the overriding sense of excitement.  
  
"…don't you think those pants are kind of in the way?"  
  
Well he only needs to ask once.  
  
3.1 XXXXX  
  
My back kills…probably from sleeping on the hard wood floor then again my back isn't the only part of me that aches. But it is damn well worth it…anything is worth it to wake up in the gentle glowing sunlight with my ideal man. I'm sure every girl has that kind of fantasy and just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I don't want the same thing. Nothing is more wonderful than waking up next to a perfect someone in a perfect morning, and every morning will be perfect despite, weather, smelly breath, foul tasting good morning kisses because no body cares about that part of it, because you and your perfect someone are together isn't that alone perfect enough.  
  
I want to look at his face so much right now but my eyes don't really want to open. Of course I should wake up since I don't know when Aniki is coming back. Ugh…yeah I better wake up now I like my head just fine where it is. I turn to take a glimpse of my god and well he's not there. I'm so sure he fell asleep next to me on my left side. I watched him sleep for like ten minutes before I fell asleep maybe he got up and moved last night or maybe…  
  
I sit up and blink my eyes several times and look around the room. I'm alone. There are no sounds in the house that show that anyone else is here. I'm alone, sitting naked in my brother's living room with my own clothing strewn about the floor randomly, several object knocked onto the floor (thank god they're not broken), and a sticky stain on his lovely hardwood floors…not exactly an ideal scenario.  
  
I feel sort of numb. Not really disappointed…okay never mind actually I am rather disappointed. But I don't blame Ryuichi, even if it was just that one night…it's a dream come true. This is kind of like a tired sort of resignation. What you're surprised that I'm feeling these things?! I'm not as loud and obnoxious as I may seem sometimes! I just don't really feel like I have the energy to do anything but…I should be happy with what I had. I had a wonderful night that went far beyond my dreams; it was perfect…yet that point of brilliance makes everything I look at now dim in comparisons. That's the problem with fools…they're impossible to satisfy. And like an addiction I can't help but crave for more but I know better than to expect that. Having reached the peak it is only natural to fall. I wonder…I wonder if I'm still Kumagorou's friend.  
  
I better clean up before Aniki gets back. His living room is a royal mess…not surprisingly. I hope he sleeps in or something I' do not want to have my already sore ass to get kicked. Not that I think I'll feel it too much considering the general level of numbness I'm feeling.  
  
It's weird to be cleaning this up. Pieces of last night keep coming back to me like some scene from a cheap romance novel…I hope that Aniki's novels aren't like that, I'd be highly ashamed of having him for an older brother. But it's really weird the thoughts, feelings, and all that other crap just sort of sit there in the middle of the air and I feel like my fingers tingle from whatever it is they're supposed to be tingling with. And all I want at this moment is to hold these things forever. All I have left is a whisper of my fantasy that I can only cling on in my mind. The numbness is fading, I'm not sure if it was even supposed to be there or if it was just some defense mechanism crap, because the truth is I feel like crap. If Kumagorou doesn't want to be my friend anymore it's probably my fault. I almost wish I hadn't leapt so high… the fall hurts more than the climb. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved, or something like that, was truly the father (or mother) of lying…losing SUCKS! And the sad part is that I achieved one dream but the one that I desired even more is just that much more out of reach…  
  
…hope Aniki doesn't kick my ass I really wouldn't appreciate him rubbing salt on my wounds.  
  
3.2 XXXXX  
  
I think Aniki knows that something is wrong. It's not as if he's treating me differently from usual it just that his own actions seem every bit as forced as my own. And even though I'm trying to act normal I know that it's obvious that I'm not my usual self. I want to go and search for him, to find him and then hold him forever so that I can make all my dreams come true. That's what I want to do. But I can't do it. If he left me I don't want to chase him down and cause him trouble…because all I want is for him to be happy. 'If it's for him I'd sell my soul to the EVIL FORCES of the world.' Is what I want to say but if that's true then how can walking away hurt so much? The truth is this is my fault. I set out to find him, to meet him, as long as it was something to do with him but I never truly thought out the consequences nor did I ever think about rejection. He was never mine to own but I want to own him so much because without knowing he already owns me. For some reason I can't detach myself from him and with him gone I feel like I'm missing.  
  
I'm going back to Kyoto today by train. Originally I had been planning to stay longer but now that seems meaningless. I have to go back to attend my duties anyways, maybe that'll help…never mind the fact that I'm not at all dedicated to my job never mind like it. At least going back to Kyoto will give me a routine to follow. I'll perform my duties dad will lecture me on something or other, and then Mika will look for something to lecture me about and then lecture me…and then at night I can dream of him. Somehow I think those dream will be painful for me now. Dreaming yet knowing they're dreams…it's painful.  
  
I've been drifting through the entire day like a ghost and it feels so unusual for me. I can't get my spirit up for anything. Shuichi mentioned Ryuichi once today but I was afraid to stay to hear anything. I walked away before he could say anything and when I came back I could swear that Aniki looked kind of angry, not directed to me though. I was afraid to find out where he was or what he was doing because I would have been so tempted to go chase him down but I have no right to do that so now I have to do everything I can to stop myself. It feels so wrong to stop myself from chasing after him but I'm sure that this is right. If Ryuichi wanted to see me he wouldn't have left, if last night had been more than just a casual fling then he wouldn't have vanished. It's better to leave things as they are.  
  
The train I'm taking is probably going to be here in about an hour and twenty minutes. There's really not much to do so I do something that I'd never thought I'd do. I go into a bookstore and purchase a novel by Aniki. I know he usually writes tragedies and what better way to drown my own sorrows than to sit there and laugh at someone else's life…nothing I tell you. It's amazing how much someone else's angst makes you feel better. I think it's just that it gets my mind off of my own problems and since it's fiction it's okay to make fun of these people. I just go and grab a random one. I've never read anything by Aniki so I have no idea what to expect. There are so many books by him I'm not sure which to grab. A title catches my eye 'Silver Stage' I wonder what it's about. It kind of makes me think of Ryuichi. I pick it up and pay for it. Why am I paying for it when my brother writes it anyways? But then again I don't think I'll be able to actually ask my brother for a copy without dying of embarrassment. Why am I buying a book that reminds me of him anyways? It kind of looses the point but it's too late cause I already paid and I don't really want to return it. The lady at the cashier looks at me kind of funny…maybe it's because I look like my brother.  
  
The cover is really plain I guess Aniki doesn't care much for packaging but man it's dull to took at. It's just a white cover with the title and his name on it and two thin horizontal strips. It really doesn't draw attention yet these are the novels that everyone practically worships. I guess a person can never judge a book by its cover. If so many people buy it than it must be some good. I don't read much so I think I'll just skip the beginning. I open the book to a random page and start to read…  
  
…it was easy for him to lie to her face. He was used to hiding from people but the truth this was no different. But then why did he feel so frustrated. Never before had he ever felt bad or frustrated while lying to someone but the way she looked at him crying all the time. ' Naze?' That was the only thing she asked him but he couldn't answer. He had to leave her before it was too late. He had no choice. He had to make her go before she went too deep and fell in love. So he said it. The meaningless words he had decided on before, words designed to chase her away from him. To be honest it wasn't so easy anymore.  
  
I close the book and stare at the cover long and hard. Never in my life would I have guessed that Aniki used his novels as a personal journal. He's making millions out of writing about his own love life in third person that and replacing he with she? I suppose that explains the title. The book no longer serves the purpose I bought it for. I can't laugh at my brother's love life, I can't laugh at the problem between him and Shuichi, it no longer a simple book reading would mean I'd know Aniki in a different way. I don't know if I want to. I'm afraid to know him sometimes I'm afraid to find out exactly how much he's changed because it would feel like those drastic changes would be my fault…because I couldn't do anything for him. As it is I already have slight feelings of inadequacy reading this would not help. I'm considering abandoning the book on the bench I'm sitting on…but I reconsider and in a few seconds I'm heading back to the store to buy a few more. Maybe it'll help me understand my brother even if I can't do anything else at least it gives me some insight to how he thinks after all it looks like every book is a little piece of him. However, someone should really tell Aniki not to use his career as his personal journal.  
  
3.3 XXXXX  
  
The train's in sight. The station is crowded but that's to be expected. It's always a busy place. I spent the last hour or so reading bits and parts of Aniki's novels; I'm not good at reading. I have a short attention span when it comes to books so I keep switching back and forth so much that I can't remember which book is which. The only one I can really separate from the others is 'Silver Stage' I can recognize almost all the characters, it really focuses on three or so characters but I think there was this one part where he was referring to me and to Mika. It surprises me but I feel…I'm not sure how to say it kind of happy that Aniki finds me important enough to mention. I nearly, for a few moments, forgot about Ryuichi, nearly. The girl in the story isn't a complete copy of Shuichi but they were similar enough for anyone who knew the two of them to recognize the significance. Sometimes the way Aniki describes her, especially her love for music, makes me think of Ryuichi. I'll probably come back and visit soon just to pop into Aniki's life to make sure he's still relatively sane and that he hasn't left Shuichi out in the cold too many nights in a row but I think that's all. I'll probably never see Ryuichi too his face again.  
  
I step on the train and millions of other people flood on closing in around me filling every gap, flowing like water. It's for the best to stay a good distance from Ryuichi. That way I can't ever hurt him and I won't have to fall again. That way he can remain the beautiful distant dream he has been to me for half my life. I'm standing by the door and as usual they warn you that the door is about to close. Why is it still so hard to leave at the last moment? And just as the doors are about to start sliding closed I hear someone calling my name. For a moment it seems like an illusion…the next moment I can clearly see Ryuichi plowing his way through the crowd at the speed of light…and shoves Kumagorou into my arms just as the doors slide closed. I've either gone insane and I'm making all this up or it's really happening. I look at the stuffed rabbit in my arms there's a note attached to its red ribbon…  
  
It doesn't matter whether I'm hallucinating or if this is real in dream or reality I'm going to be selfish! I…I want him too much to be selfless. To be with him right now is more important than anything! He's chasing the train running towards me with the same childish expression on his face, like the one he had when he met, like the one he gave me when I asked him to come with me, like all his smiles. The most important is that what I want most…more than anything in the world is to see his smile. Not to simply have him smile but be there to witness it! Like Shuichi, like the girl in 'Silver Stage', even like Ryuichi himself if they can all mindlessly chase after what they want why shouldn't I do the same! I'm going to think of myself and do as like! Because then I'll be more deserving of them of Ryuichi and Aniki. If they can feel something for me, see something in me, than what right do I have to feel useless or helpless? It'd be doubting they're judgment! If Aniki thinks I'm a good brother and if Kumagorou sees me as a good friend than I am!  
  
I run toward Ryuichi and shove myself out of the aisle and into one of those seats. The lady is giving me dirty looks but I don't care. I fling the window open and squeeze myself, my backpack (filled with Aniki's novels), and, most importantly, Kumagorou out the window and land in a messy pile an arguably safe distance from the train with a dull thud. Ryuichi appears seconds later a small distance away from me looking at me worried, shocked, happy, and something else, lots of other thing I can't name actually. Everyone at the station has their attention focused on us. I think we caused a bit of a scene. But it doesn't matter because just as everyone is focused on the two of us I'm focused on Ryuichi and him on me…and for a small eternity neither of us speak nor move.  
  
…and then we're kicked out of the station for causing trouble…ah well.  
  
"Tatsuha-kun you shouldn't have done that!"  
  
He sounds kind of angry but it softens into the worry I saw before. "You could have gotten really hurt! Are you okay?" He's sweet. "I'm fine sorry for…"  
  
"But," he cuts me off just as I'm about to apologize for worrying him, "I'm glad you're here…did…um did Kumagorou tell you what he wanted to yet? I went to your brother's house to look for you because Kumagorou had something to tell you but you had already left so I came and chased after you…" "Yup! He told me!" "Tatsuha-kun! Um…not just Kumagorou but Ryu- chan too…we both…" I look down at the note attached to Kumagorou and I feel like I have to be not only the happiest man on earth but the luckiest too. "I'm glad you guys told me…I want the same thing too."  
  
3.3.1 Tatsuha-kun  
  
Let's stay together!  
  
--Kumagorou  
  
After all I'd have to be the luckiest person in the world to be wanted by both Kumagorou and Ryuichi.  
  
OWARI!!! O.o (about time too)  
  
Wah I'm finally done! LET'S STAY TOGETHER is officially finished!!!! It's time to rejoice and use way too many exclamation marks!!!!!!! I'm so sorry about the cheesy ending…it was cute when I played it out in my head. The novel Tatsuha bought was titled after a manga that my sister is reading. I've never read it, it's in Taiwanese so I can't really read it. I actually have no idea what that manga is about I just liked the title. I know that it seems really odd for Yuki to write a novel based on himself but I just felt like adding it in. Again I apologize for the poor quality but I hope I'll improve in the future! Thanks for reading!  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Gravitation. No profits are made off this and this piece of fiction is merely a show of fan appreciation. Please don't sue me! 


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